Keyboard Shortcuts

Do you have a phone, tablet or laptop with a onscreen keyboard?  If so, do you know that it has some really neat features that can save you time and frustration?  Most people, including me until recently, don't know what treasures that keyboard holds.

Let's consider the use of accents while typing.  Suppose you are working on your resume – no, not getting back to what you were previously doing, but rather your résumé, your work history.  You want to be grammatically correct, but those little accent marks above the ‘e’ require extra time and effort.  However, there are two quick ways to insert them when you use the onscreen keyboard.

The first way is to set the keyboard for ‘predictive’ typing so that a bar above the keyboard has a selection of three words, based on the first few letters you type.  Type in r-e-s-u and one of those words will probably be résumé.  If that isn't the case, use the second method; type the ‘e’ with the forward accent and résumé should now appear on the predictive bar.  Tap it, or use your mouse to click on it if you don't have a touch screen and the word will be added to the document.

Okay, now you're probably asking, “How do I type the accented ‘e’?”  Here's how. Hold the ‘E’ key down until a pop-up window appears above it.  In the window are all of the accent combinations for the letter ‘e’.  Merely slide your fingertip or cursor up to the one you want and then lift it off and the accented ‘e’ will be in your document.

The accented letter shortcut works for all letters that use accents, including the ‘ç’ we use in words like façade, or ‘ñ’ and accented vowels frequently used in foreign language words.

If you use a physical keyboard, there are keyboard shortcuts for them, too, but it requires the use of two or more keys to type accented letters.  It requires a lot of work and memorization to achieve the same result.

Another neat shortcut on the qwerty keyboard is  in the lower right, those two keys that have the comma, exclamation point, period and question mark.  They hold two more punctuation marks, the apostrophe and the quotation marks.  Just press and hold the key until the apostrophe, or quotation mark appears, then release the key and the mark will be on your document.

Once you're used to typing with the onscreen keyboard, you’ll never want to go back to the detached keyboard.  There is one warning that you must heed, however. It is all too easy to let the wrong word get into your sentence, and I don't mean that you should just use the spell checker.  You must proofread your documents to catch any of those erroneous and confusing words. But then, we should always do that anyway, shouldn't we?

The Perfect Crime

I recently watched an episode of the CBS mystery show 48 Hours about the 2014 murder in Aspen, Colorado of Nancy Pfister.  The hour-long show had lots of twists and turns in it, and at the conclusion, the "culprit" - at least the one who took the blame and is doing the time - turned out to be the old man, Trey Styler.  Needless to say, I was disappointed with the outcome, but it did bring to mind a column that I wrote a couple of years ago.

I believe that we have here an example of the perfect crime, one that I proposed in the satirical column I wrote titled, The Ideal Solution.  Namely, commit a crime in your senior years that will net you a life  prison sentence, but not a death sentence.  Then you can live out your life with free room and board and healthcare and never have to worry about running out of money.

If you don't care to watch the whole show, the first link above, but just want a summary of the crime and its aftermath, you can read a fairly quick recap on Wikipedia at this link.  Or, I can just relate that there were three suspects, Trey and Nancy Styler, and Kathy Carpenter.  All were arrested and held for trial, but before the case ever went to trial, Trey confessed to being the lone perpetrator.  He was sentenced to 20 years in prison, a virtual life sentence for a man of his age and health.  He pled guilty to the charges on the condition that his wife, Nancy, would not be tried for the crime at any time in the future, and that both women would be immediately released from prison.

If you watch the program, you should see what I saw as a flaw in the confession: namely, that Trey Styler was physically incapable of committing the crime in the manner which it occurred.  We are to believe that a man who is in his late 60s and has a neurological disorder could beat a woman to death with a hammer, drag her lifeless and bloody body across the room to a closet, cover and wrap it completely with a sheet, go back and flip a queen-sized mattress to hide the blood evidence, and then clean up the room to a point where only a small smear of blood remained on the headboard of the bed.

I, for one, am totally unconvinced.  There had to have been more than one person in that bedroom, and the cleanup of the crime scene had to have been performed by at least two or more people.  The multiple blows from the hammer should have produced copious blood spatter, yet there was none visible in the crime scene photos, nor was there any on the carpet between the bed and the closet.  A male, especially one of that age, wouldn't be able to do that good a job of cleaning up that room.

However, give the Stylers credit for a wonderful solution to their other underlying and briefly reported problem of half a million dollars in debt and possible bankruptcy, by commission of this horrible act.  Nancy got a divorce and moved on with her life within a year of the conviction and sentencing of Trey.  She is the embodiment of the term, "scott free", since her financial woes were likely also erased in the divorce.  And Trey is now in an institution where he will receive elderly care for the rest of his life and probably won't have to suffer the mental and physical deprivations and tortures of younger prisoners. 

Yes, this is the best of both worlds for Trey and Nancy Styler, although the third party in the murder of Nancy Pfister, her friend and personal assistant, Kathy Carpenter, is still in jeopardy of being prosecuted for the crime if more evidence points to her involvement.  She is the only one I feel sorry for, since I do believe she was used by the Stylers as a pawn and quite possibly has some blood on her hands, as well.

The Way We Were

I watched a YouTube video recently that was a digital reproduction of a B&W film from 1937.  The film shows a Chicago Cubs game clip from that era, and it was neat to see, but what really caught my attention was the way the men were dressed.  They all were in suits with ties, and most also wore brimmed hats.  It took me back to a time when we dressed up to go out in public.

Those of you who are under fifty won't be able to relate to this, but it used to be understood that formal clothes should be worn to church, school and most events.  There were dress codes enforced when entering a restaurant, boarding an airplane, or attending a meeting.  People used to 'dress up' just to go to the movies.

Schools had dress codes for both teachers and students, and the code for teachers included suit and tie for men and dresses for women.  Students were given less strict rules, but T-shirt and shorts, or any clothes with offensive words or slogans were forbidden.

Something else that was different back then was that cursing and swearing in public, especially by females of any age, was unthinkable!  It was, after all, unladylike, a term that has completely disappeared from our vocabulary today.  And even males were cautioned against using 'foul language' in the presence of females.  There were rules of decorum for goodness sakes!

Now that you youngsters have had your chuckle, it's time for evaluation.  Are we really better than our stodgy elders now that the rules are relaxed and we can say or do whatever we like anywhere, anytime and with anyone?

I'm not such a prude - as you should all know from the columns and jokes I send you - that I can't find situations where bawdy talk is acceptable between the sexes.  Good friends can share off-color stories and jokes that contain offensive language without shocking or offending each other.  In private, personal dialogue it's okay, but not in public, and not with strangers or children present.

I don't know about you, but I would prefer the old rules and customs.  I still cringe whenever I hear the 'F-word' spoken by or to the unknown man or woman.  I've adapted to it, but I don't like it.  I believe that it affects our personal relationships in a negative fashion, and it certainly has no place in conversation with strangers.  

So call me an old fogey if you disagree, but think about it before you decide.  Was the old way just a phony Victorian front, or did it actually engender something called
R-E-S-P-E-C-T?

Doorway Memory Loss

I was sitting in my computer room recently, when a thought came to me about something I wanted to discuss with my wife.  She was in another room, so I started for her location. However, by the time I got there, the thought had completely fled from my mind.

I know that this phenomenon isn't mine alone, and I don't think that it has to do with my age, either.  I suspect that we all have experienced what I will label, 'doorway memory loss' at sometime in our life.  It acts as a time machine, because it takes the mind back a few seconds or minutes to erase our most recent thought.  Here is my theory of what causes it.

Our visual acuity causes the brain to evaluate each new scene as we pass from one room to another, because the doorway partially blocks our view of the new room.  Even though we are familiar with the scene in that room, the brain has to refocus on it each time we enter. This mental hiccup momentarily clears the mind of its current thought.  You now have to recover that memory, even though it was there just a second ago.

Now ask yourself how you last did get the idea back into your head.  If you're like me, you simply walked back into the room where the thought first came to you and it almost always comes right back.  Amazing!  It works for me every time.

I have to admit that doorway memory loss does occur more often the older I get, but that's due to my memory bank getting more and more full with age.  I know that we joke about seniors losing their memory because they have so much to remember over their lifetime, but there's a grain of truth in there.  And I'm not referring to serious diseases like dementia or Alzheimer's; the doorway memory loss syndrome is something that affects all of us.

The older we get, the more we focus on the past, and short-term memory seems to fade. That is my opinion of why it is common in older people. They can recall people and events from years ago but can't tell you what they did yesterday.  I believe the same factors are in play when we forget the thought that was in our head and on the tip of our tongue just a moment ago as we pass through a doorway.

So, do yourself a favor and go back through the door the next time you lose your train of thought  on that important stuff you want to discuss with the person in the other room.  It reverses the process, and you can pick up where you left off.  Easy as pie!

And here is another proof and source for my theory's validity...

Brains of older people are slow because they know so much.  People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains, scientists believe. Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive gets full up, so to do humans take longer to access information. Researchers say this slowing down is not the same as cognitive decline.

"The human brain works slower in old age," said Dr. Michael Ramscar," but only because we have stored more information over time. The brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more."

Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for.  It is NOT a memory problem; it is nature's way of making older people get more exercise.

Well, that's also an outcome of doorway memory loss syndrome, but I like my theory better.

The Machine Gun Valentine

 I don't have to tell you that I performed Singing Valentines again this year, but I do want to tell you the story about the most unique one I've ever done.  In all, my quartet sang between forty and fifty 2-song Singing Valentines.  We sang twice to men from their wives (embarrassing), once to a woman from her life partner, also female (weird), and to several mothers and children.  But the neatest and strangest one was a performance on the Army Post at Fort Gordon.

We got a request to sing at a remote firing range for a group of women that call themselves "The Machine Gun Fun Club" and they truly live up to their name.  The request came from the husbands, and the message on each card we presented to the women was the same: "You are the 'tracer fire' of my life!"

We had instructions and directions to the firing range some ten miles out in the wilderness of the fort.  We were met by an advance member of the party about a mile from the firing range.  He advised that we had to wait for about fifteen minutes for the range to "go cold" - ceasefire, for those of you not familiar with the terminology. Otherwise, we would have needed ear protection and other safety equipment to proceed.

Once the call came through that it was safe, we followed the escort truck over the sandy road.  Our minivan nearly got mired in the sand, but we made it the the site without the need for a tow.

What greeted us was a group of men and women around a small trailer with a huge machine gun mounted on it pointed down range. Several other similar guns were arrayed along the firing line.  Looking down the range provided quite a sight!  The closest target, a tank, was 800 meters away and there were other vehicles and targets up to 1600 meters  distant.  I couldn't even see them with the naked eye.  Of course, the cloud of tracer fire smoke didn't help, either.  I wondered who put out all those brush fires so they don't spread after the firing is all done.

It turned out that the trailer was set up as our 'stage', so we climbed onto it, not without some assistance, and stood around the machine gun to perform our Singing Valentines.  Needless to say, it's rather cumbersome and strange to arrange yourselves into the barbershop quartet arc around a four-foot-long lethal weapon like that.

The names of the gals were almost as much fun as the setting; names like Brandy and Bongh, Song Cha and Bring . . . I didn't make those up, either.  We distributed cards and roses by the military mail call method amidst much laughter, and then we sang, or rather shouted the two Valentine songs.  You see, there was a 20-mph, 40-degree wind blowing, filled with that smoke from the tracer round fires out on the range.

After the performance there were hugs amongst the group and pictures, including the one below.  Notice that the machine gun is pointing at yours truly, and at a very vulnerable part of my anatomy.  I was thankful that the gun wasn't loaded and being manned - or should I say "(wo)manned" at the time.

A good time was had by all, and no, we didn't stay to participate in, or watch the target practice, much as I would have liked to.  Instead, we drove back to civilization with smiles on our faces and laughter in our hearts.  It was the pièce de résistance for the whole Singing Valentines experience.  I can't wait till next year!

My Dying Wish

Whatever else you might think of my columns, you have to concede that they are diverse. The subject of this one is a serious topic, but I will start with something humorous that happened recently.

We were driving home from the grocery store when Judy spotted an object in the road that hadn't been there on our drive to the store.   She exclaimed, "Oh,no!" expecting to see a dead dog but, as we got closer, it was obvious that the object was a small rug.  I started laughing at the idea that she was getting so emotional about a "dead rug".

It strikes me as strange that we hate to see dead people or animals, yet we customarily go to "viewings" and funerals where the coffin is open and the deceased is on display.  I've been to several in my life, and the corpse always looks like a mannequin, not as I recall the actual person.

So, I ask you, why do we need to do it?  Or, I could ask what is so special about this "closure"?  My recollection of those people whom I viewed in their coffins is marred by the image of the waxy corpse, a terrible finality with which to remember them.  Those whom I didn't view are much better recalled for me in life settings.

Accordingly, I want my remains cremated ASAP and those I leave behind can then have a memorial service, or a wake, or even a party in my memory.  And, since I am frequently on the road, if I should die "in the saddle" as the saying goes, I prefer that the cremation be performed in whatever city or town I happen to be and my remains sent or carried back home for interment.

I want my family and friends to remember me the way I was the last time they were with me; no mental pictures of some "dummy" in a fancy box.  I still have that image of my mother and it freaks me out that it is a lasting impression.  Please don't make that same mistake with me.

Both of my brothers were cremated and one, since he was an avid golfer, had his ashes spread on the only green where he ever aced the hole - That's a 'hole in one' for you non-golf aficionados.  My memory of Dick is of the last time I visited with him and played golf.  My brother Don had his wife hold a party at their house after the memorial service.  My memory of Don is also of a visit where we recalled good times from our childhood.  Those memories are sweet and clear.

Now that we have that out of the way, no, I'm not planning on going anytime soon, and, yes, I feel just fine!  Thanks for thinking about it, however, and I know you did.

Traffic Waves

As you know by now, I like to give driving tips in my columns, and when I come across a new one - new to me anyway - I want to share it. 

I recently watched a video about something called a 'traffic wave'.  Further research elicited another name, the 'phantom traffic jam'.  It taught me that, although I've been driving for sixty years and have been in many, many traffic waves during that time, I have been using exactly the wrong action to break the wave or prevent one in the first place.

How many times have you been driving along and suddenly seen lots of brake lights up ahead?   Your first thought is that there must be an accident or some road construction that is causing the backup.  Then, when you finally can see far enough ahead to determine that traffic is again flowing smoothly, you realize that there is no reason at all for the blockage; no accident on either side and no closed lanes.  For some unknown reason, all the traffic is starting to flow again from the front of the jam.

This is a traffic wave, not a traffic jam, distinguished by the lack of accident or any  road construction at the head of the stoppage.  There has apparently been a lot of research on what causes stop-and-go traffic, and there were three main causes:

• Variable speeds of the vehicles. 
• Failure to keep adequate space between vehicles 
• Frequent lane changing. 

These three factors can actually create traffic jams without any other physical cause.

If all vehicles are moving at the same speed, there should be no stoppage, but tailgating, not keeping adequate space between vehicles can cause it.  A safe distance is governed by the 3 second rule, which increases distance as speed goes higher.  SmartMotorist.com has a good article on that if you care to read it by clicking on the link.

Lane changing is another no-no, but we all do it.  Except in heavy traffic, you should only change lanes to pass the vehicle in front of you, and then you should get back in line in the rightmost driving lane.  Hogging the passing lane is one cause of both traffic waves and road rage, and we all know how that sometimes turns out.

I have a confession to make before I continue.  I am guilty of all three of the above, and I have often criticized my dear wife for NOT following my instructions to "close it up," or "get over into the next lane," or even "go a little faster and pass that truck."  It turns out that she was doing the right thing after all.

I could try to explain what I learned in print, but if you watch at least the two videos that I've linked for you above, I believe you'll get the idea.  If not, use your search engine and input "traffic waves" (without the quotations) to see several other explanations.

The only thing I will state here are the three positive actions you can take to possibly prevent the hypothetical "next" traffic wave:

• Maintain a constant speed with the traffic in your lane
• Leave some space between your vehicle and the one ahead, even when not moving, and don't get upset if a vehicle moves into the space.  Adjust to keep the same distance from that vehicle.
• Try not to change lanes except when passing and to enter or exit the roadway.

Following those three simple rules won't prevent any future traffic waves, because other drivers will continue to break them, but at least you won't be the one to start the wave, and you might find that you can be the one to break it up.  If nothing else, you can prevent a traffic wave in your lane merely by following these three rules. I've tried it and it actually does work.