A National Disgrace

I want to warn you up front that children should not read this column.  It has terms and descriptions that are adult in nature.  If you are squeamish about sexual material, then maybe you should quit here too. However, in my defense, this was broadcast on national radio stations without censorship.

If you don’t receive my Daily Dose of Humor messages, then I will include a link from one I sent out last week that might also apply to this column. If you did see it, you might still want to review it for another laugh.

I suspect that many of you either do not have the Neal Boortz Show on your local radio stations, or else you choose not to listen to the show.  Therefore, you most likely missed his rant on a Medicare “goody” that has cost the American taxpayer a quarter of a billion dollars so far.

What could this item be that has cost so much and has questionable benefit and virtually no curative value?  How come we have to foot the bill for something that is, at best, a frivolous device?  Can you guess what it is?

I’ll give you a clue: It can only be used by men and the effects are very short-lived.

Okay I won’t keep you in suspense any longer.  This gadget is called a “penis pump.” It has been on the approved Medicare list for ten years, and its use has nothing to do with urination.  That’s right, it is a sexual aid.

Medicare does not allow reimbursement for sexual enhancement drugs like Viagra or Levitra under the Medicare Part D prescription drug program, but for some unknown reason, the penis pump is allowed under Part B; this despite the fact that it has the exact same use.

In 2002, when the pump was first introduced—I suspect it was an offshoot of the oft-told tale of the Hoover experience of adventurous and obviously lonely males—the cost to Medicare was $11 million.  In 2011, the Medicare cost was in excess of $47 million.

I won’t include the online link, but you should know that these devices come in several versions and cost between $25 and $50 plus shipping.  I don’t know whether your local Walgreen or CVS stock them, and I don’t much care whether or not they do.  However, if Rite Aid had them, I think that would be kind of funny.  Anyway, I wouldn’t have the nerve to ask about them.

Just for fun, I used my calculator to divide $47 million by $25 and came up with a total possible number of units sold of 10 million in 2011 alone.  Now that’s a lot of needy men, and that is only the ones who don’t pay for those drugs that Medicare doesn’t allow.  If we can believe that even more males use those drugs than use the pumps, I estimate that possibly half or more of our American men are afflicted with erectile dysfunction, ED for short.

I won’t bother to editorialize about ED, though I do wonder why the ads always picture the couple sitting in separate bathtubs, don’t you?  But I do think that our Medicare system is severely broken and in need of reform.  I hope that someone in Washington has the courage to do something about it soon.

As to this deficiency in the male of our species, there are so many cute things that could be said, but I’ll spare you my humorous take on it.  I’ve already said too much but guys, if you keep it up you might yet save Medicare.