Unrhyming Words

Last weekend I performed in a stage play about Irving Berlin, and I learned something interesting. Berlin took on a challenge to write a poem that used the word orange with a rhyming word. He successfully rhymed the word a few minutes later:

“Brother Bill and I once stole a cellar door;
And Bill was eating an orange.
He stole the hind hinge,
And I stole the fore hinge.”

That poem was composed by Berlin about one hundred years ago. However, there is still a message that travels the email circuit today to the effect that there are four words in the English language that cannot be rhymed: month, orange, purple and silver.

A couple of years ago I took on the challenge in much the same manner as Irving Berlin had done so long before me–not that I equate myself with the late, great songwriter–and composed four short poems rhyming those words. Here is (was?) the result.

Poem #1 – Month

I used to have a little lisp
I had it for about a month.
The doctor says I’m almost cured,
But you can tell I had it onth.

Poem #2 – Purple

Bill and I were hauling rope
To tow a wagon up a slope.
Bill yanked so hard that he turned purple.
He quit, and gasped, “Well, now it’s your pull.”

Poem #3 – Orange

Angela ate an apple,
She ate it to the core.
She liked the fruit so much that
She said, “I’ll eat some more.”

She couldn’t find an apple,
So she chose to eat an orange.
I said, “You’ll have a peel left,
But there isn’t any core, Ange.”

I know, I know, that time I included a nickname, but it did rhyme. The last one was the most difficult, and I was forced to take liberties that only the great poets are granted. Well this isn’t The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner. It’s doggerel, and I do have three poems under my pen, so here it comes...

Poem #4 – Silver

I am a thief and I work in a vault.
It’s filled with gold and silver.
I don’t steal gold, ‘cause it weighs too much,
So the silver’s what I pilfer.

So here we are a whole century later, and people still try to promote the legend that there are certain words that don’t rhyme. And there are still people like myself who accept the challenge and prove those doubters wrong. I feel honored to be able to compete with the likes of Irving Berlin in doing so.