Road Trip Surprises

My wife and I recently took a road trip with our son and grand children.  We traveled from Brad’s home in Maryland up to our childhood homes near Buffalo, New York and, of course we visited the big tourist attraction there, Niagara Falls.  Also on the agenda was a visit to a creek bed that contains fossilized remains of sea creatures that lived in the area approximately 380 million years ago.  Then, on the way back to Maryland we stayed in central Pennsylvania and visited a reptile zoo and a back-country amusement park.

Of the four attractions, which do you suppose the kids enjoyed most?  The falls?  The amusement park?  No, they were most enticed by the digging up of the fossils at the Penn Dixie Site.  We spent several hours in the blazing sun with hammers and picks and buckets.  We found some very nice specimens, too.

But then, each of the four sites had its own charm and delights.  One of the surprises for the adults was that the prices were reasonable at all of them.  Anytime you can take three adults and two children to a full day’s attraction for less than $100, that is a great day. 

Two of our stops were truly notable.  The first, Clyde Peeling’s Reptiland in Allenwood, Pennsylvania, appears at first to be one of those “tourist traps” that spring up along the highways from time to time.  However, nothing could be farther from the truth.  It had many good live specimens including a Komodo dragon, and a neat section of automated dinosaurs that looked and sounded lifelike.  We also got to watch the feeding of some of the live reptiles, a fascinating learning experience.

The second surprise was the best of all – an amusement park, Knoebels, that has no admission charge!  We didn’t even have to pay for parking.  All of the rides were reasonably priced from $1 to $3, and there was a large variety of them for kids of all ages – three coasters, two flumes complete with splash pool and bridge for spraying onlookers, and even a neat 14-minute-mile-long skylift, (like a chair lift for skiers, but with no upper station).  We stayed for six hours and spent less than $75 on rides and only around $30 for food and treats.  The variety of food choice was international and prices were very reasonable.

Our best activity at Niagara was the Cave of the Winds on the American side.  It really isn’t a “cave” at all, but rather a series of wooden stairs and platforms that has to be rebuilt every year.  Access is by elevator and tunnel on Goat Island between the falls, and egress is under the small middle falls called Bridal Veil Falls. Special sandals and ponchos are provided and you must expect to get soaked, especially if you climb to the Hurricane Deck right at the base of the waterfall.

I didn’t write a trip journal for this one, but if you care to see some of the pictures, let me know by email and I’ll send some for you to view.

Time Flies

 Let this serve as a warning to those of you who are going along complacently, believing this dance lasts forever.  You think you’re in the prime of life and suddenly, you look in the mirror one day and you don’t see yourself; you see your father or, if you are a female, your mother in there.  And then, without much more passage of years, that face turns into the grandparent that you maybe lost when you were just a kid.

Oh, there are some warning signals, like those aching joints and the need for a little nap just to “catch up on that sleep you lost last night.”  Sometimes you anticipate what used to be your favorite activity, and suddenly, it doesn’t seem so great anymore.  Sadly, some of your best friends and relatives move away, or worse, die, and leave you to mourn their passing.

It doesn’t always happen the way I described.  For instance, I think I first noticed that I had morphed into my father when I moved to Texas in 2003 and had to get my drivers license reissued.  The picture of that guy on the new one just couldn’t be me.  He had too many wrinkles and a prominent cord down each side of the throat that looked like a bulging artery.  That person was at least 10- or 20-years older than I was. 

Then, one day when I was shaving, I looked in the mirror and there was my long dead father staring back at me.  I thought that it probably was to be expected, though I never realized the close resemblance when I was younger. I decided that I’d have to accept the inevitable, that I really had reached that age where I couldn’t refer to myself as “middle aged” anymore.

And finally, a couple of years ago I saw a person looking back at me from that mirror that I no longer recognized at all.  He was, to use the well-worn term, “older than dirt.”  I don’t know what my grandfather looked like, since he died before I was born, and the pictures from those days were those sepia tone, antique ones that made everybody look pretty much the same anyway.  But I suspect that he probably looked like I do now.

Those years do have a way of sneaking up on you and there isn’t any gradual change.  It just happens one day and there’s no turning back.  (Well, plastic surgeons make their living off convincing you that there is, but that’s another column)

In conclusion, and kind of as a footnote, have you ever noticed that those pictures that accompany the obituaries of elderly people don’t seem to match the age given at passing?

It’s probably a good idea to choose a photo/portrait you had taken when you were in your middle to late 40s that can serve as your obit picture when you go in your late 70s or early 80s.  Go out with your good side showing.

Now, in case you took this seriously, and you think maybe I’m getting senile, here is a little treat for you that will likely only be recalled by those over 50, as will the pair that sings the song, “I’m My Own Grandpa.”

Mature Security

I'd like to propose a new fashion statement for men. It is a very simple one and doesn't detract from your appearance if you perform it properly.  My suggestion is that men wear their shirts in the casual style without tucking them into their pants.  Most polo shirts and golf shirts are made with the bottom cut and stitched to accommodate that style, but many of the Oxford-style shirts are also made for the "untucked look." 

Oh, I know it won't work for all men, and the ones I intend to target are a select group.  The present day boys and young men who already have their fashion statement, the hip-hop group with their pants pulled down to expose their boxer shorts, need not join.  Shoot, in fact, they are exactly the ones whom my new trend is aimed against.

You might have noticed that I used three inflammatory words, target, shoot and aimed, in the prior paragraph, and there is a reason for that.  My new fashion statement is going to figure prominently in curbing a lot of the violence that comes from those low-slung-jeans-wearing hipsters.  While it isn't a dead giveaway, it seems to me that those same guys are also the ones with the firepower in the form of illegal guns somewhere on their person. 

Now, it isn't a hard-and-fast, proven fact, but a lot of those gun-toting people are less likely to draw that weapon and start shooting if they even suspect that their intended victim is "carrying" too.  The person who has a concealed-carry license is probably going to have their pistol in a pancake holster at the small of their back.  And guess how they are going to conceal it. 

Okay, I'm not advocating that we all go out and purchase a pistol and apply for the conceal-carry license, but if we men were to suddenly all start sporting the "untucked look" it would give the would-be perpetrator second thoughts, wouldn't it?

Of course, there are several cities - New York, Washington, Chicago, and New Orleans. for instance - that have gun restrictions or outright bans, and they just happen to be the most dangerous ones in America.  Hmm, I wonder why that is?  I don't see that as a reason not to wear the shirt outside your belt in those cities.  It still gives the thugs pause, and the police cannot stop and search everyone they think might be packing, especially if there are hundreds or thousands of shirt-tails visible.

Ladies, I don't want to leave you out.  You too can join the crowd.  Those who do carry a concealed weapon for protection usually have it in their purse, and that is probably the worst place for it.  After all, purse snatchers are everywhere in the world, and you don't want that thief to get your gun along with your cash and credit/debit cards.  You can join the men in the "untucked look" fashion statement if you like. 

Do you think we can start a trend?  Let me know.

Leaving the House

Whenever Judy and I leave our house, which we do almost daily for shopping or other errands, there is one thing we always do without fail.  We unplug the coffee maker.

We've lived in this town home for over five years, and we have never unplugged any other appliance upon exiting, so it must be ingrained in both of us that coffee makers are dangerous when left unattended.  Oh, we can both go about our daily routines, me in my home office/computer room and she in her sun room at the back of the house.  I know that neither one of us ever gives a second's thought to that dangerous appliance sitting out there in the kitchen plotting our demise.  But, let us even consider going out for a ride, and the last thing we do before leaving is unplug the coffee maker.

I ask you, is this paranoid behavior?  Do we really have OCD about that coffee maker?  After all, we've never unplugged the stove or the refrigerator when we go away, and they would seem to have a greater potential for destruction.  And even if the coffee maker did some day go berserk and start a fire, if we're not in the house, we won't be injured.

Okay, I know we're being silly, but about thirty years or so ago, one of those ancient Mr Coffee™ machines started a kitchen fire in someone's house in the city where we were then living, and we never got that incident out of our minds.  It stuck like glue, and we've made it our life's goal to never let that happen in our house.

Now, either you're laughing about the crazy custom we practice, or you're thinking that maybe we need to see an analyst about our problem.  Even I think it's goofy to unplug that machine just because we're leaving the house, yet we still do it every single time.

Oh, by the way, we've never had one of our coffee makers explode or start a fire, and they do make excellent coffee.  In fact, I cannot recall hearing or reading any news report about anyone else's coffee maker causing a fire in decades.  I guess old habits are really hard to break.

Have a nice day and enjoy your coffee.

Valet Key

I had one of those "Oh s**t!" incidents happen to me a few days ago, but I was able to undo the problem very quickly.

I had phoned my wife from my car after arriving at my barber shop, and I inadvertently put the car keys on my lap while I talked with her on the cell phone.  When I got out of the car and locked it, I didn't give a second's thought to my keys; out of sight, out of mind, you know.

When my haircut was finished and paid for, I headed for the car only to discover that I didn't have my keys in my pocket.  This is summertime, so I didn't have but two pockets to search for the keys, and they definitely weren't there. 

I looked in the car windows, thinking that maybe I had left the keys in the ignition. But no, they weren't there either.  So I retraced my steps to the barbershop with no joy there, and even went inside to inquire whether they had found them on the floor.  Nope, those keys had probably fallen off my lap onto the floor between the seat and the door.

At this point most of us would be either phoning Triple-A for road service, or calling home to have the wife come to the rescue with her keys - if she has a set.  Without AAA membership, and failing the spouse option, you're looking at a locksmith service call and a hefty bill.

Well, thanks to a tip I was given by a buddy of mine who is a locksmith, I had a quick and ready solution to the problem.  You see, I keep a valet key, one that will only open doors but is unusable in the ignition, in a hidden niche that is accessible with a coin. It is under my rear license plate, and all I have to do to get to it is use a coin to loosen the screw holding the plate (and the key) to the trunk lid.

It took me less than a minute to get the key, open the driver-side door and locate the keys right where I suspected them to be, on the floor between the door and the driver seat.

I wrote this column in the hope that you will take action (if you haven't already taken measures) to find a place similar to mine to secure a valet key.  Of course, if you have one of those keyless ignitions like the one I had on my recent rental car, you don't have to concern yourself about locking keys in the car; your key fob stays in your pocket or purse anyway. Lucky you!

Infant and Toddler Car Safety

While I was on my road trip in Oregon, two incidents occurred back here in Georgia that I didn't learn about until my return, and that's why this column is delayed in the writing and posting.

On June 18 in Atlanta a toddler died from heat exhaustion after being left in his carseat  in the back seat of his father's car while the father went to work.  The details of the death are still being uncovered, and the father has been charged with murder.

One day later, here in Augusta a woman left her infant in her car while she went into a college to take final exams.  Fortunately, someone discovered the child and called 911.  Thanks to the alertness and quick action of that other student, the baby was rescued and suffered only minor dehydration.  The mother has been charged with willful neglect with more serious charges still pending.

Regardless of the grisly implications of these cases, it is not unusual for several infant and toddler deaths to occur every year during our summer months due to their being inadvertently left in the back of a car by a preoccupied parent who intended to drop the child off at a day care center on the way to work.  The results are most often fatal.

The laws for child restraint seats vary widely by state, and many do not require that the child be placed in the rear seat of the vehicle, but recommend rear seat if available.  It is common for the child to go to sleep while riding in the car.  If the parent takes a cell phone call or becomes otherwise distracted, it is all too easy to forget about the child;

out of sight-out of mind when there is no interaction between the adult and the child.

The "rear seat restraint," whether required or only recommended, is a problematic when the child is not yet old enough to speak or when it goes peacefully to sleep out of sight of the adult.  We live in a busy world and we try to multi-task, often unsuccessfully.  There has to be some way to set an alarm that prevents us from neglecting that quiet munchkin in the back seat. 

Well, I'm please to say that there is such an alarm, and it is very easy to arm it.

First of all, never go anywhere with a child in the back seat without placing some object that you MUST RETRIEVE when you get to your ultimate destination in the rear seating area.  For most women, that will be a purse, which you always carry with you.  Men are more likely to have tools, a uniform hat, a briefcase, or some other essential item they cannot do without.  Whatever it is that you designate as your 'alarm', make sure that you place that in the back seat out of the child's reach.  If you get in the habit of alarming the car in this fashion, the chance of disaster is reduced to zero.  There might be that day when you get to work late, because you had to turn around and go back to drop the kid off, but that beats the alternative.

I know that many, if not most of you to whom I send this weekly column are not in the child-rearing years.  You don't have infants or toddlers, but I'll bet you have some grand children who you love very much.  That means that you must share this column with your own children and anyone else you know who has children of that  age.  Let's make this summer one that is disaster-free on the car seat tragedy news.

America in Decline

Note: I originally wrote this column two years ago, but I didn't publish it at the time due to its political content.  However, since that time I've decided that I do believe in that sage advice that, "If you don't speak out on a problem, then you are part of that problem."

I'm getting tired of sitting on the sidelines watching my country torn asunder by fools and incompetents in Washington and elsewhere.  Now I'm going to start speaking out on our problems and, if you don't like it, at least I've done my part. Welcome to the debate.

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We just celebrated one of our most important holidays, Independence Day, but some of us only know it as “The 4^th of July” and its significance has lost all meaning.  It has become an excuse to buy and set off fireworks and fire up the grill for a picnic. Some people wish that it would become another of those holidays that is always celebrated on Monday so that we get an extended weekend.  To too many, those are the only benefits they see in this celebration.  That is truly sad.     

I again watched a very disturbing video this week.  It featured radio talk-show host Dennis Prager on a panel discussing American exceptionalism.  His take of it was that America is no longer exceptional, but not because of current politics and policies, not because of the controversial actions of Barack Obama, and not because of our dependence on imports to fuel our stagnant economy.

No, the reason Dennis Prager gave for our decline is that we have not passed on what it means to be an American.  The greatest generation did not teach this generation what Americanism is.  It goes back a hundred years to the age of “modern” education.  We have incrementally changed our teaching from the three-Rs to a social hodgepodge that doesn’t even include history anymore.

Exceptionalism has been replaced by humanism, equality of birth—when we allow birth to take place—has been replaced by equality of result, charity has been replaced by entitlement and morality has been replaced by civility. None of these changes has improved us as a nation, they have only leveled the playing field so that everyone is less than they can be or should be.

The melting pot that was once America has slowly but surely become a nation of many camps.  They are not physically at war with one another, but they define themselves in exclusive terms by ethnicity, skin color, politics and ancestral nationality.  The hyphen has taken on a new significance in America.  Everyone is now a hyphenated being. Even I have a hyphenated appellation; Red-State-Conservative.

No one is just an American anymore.  We are African-Americans, Italian-Americans, Irish-Americans, etc, etc, etc. We are gun-toting, pro-life and anti-establishment ...  and that is only a partial designation for my side. 

The late Rodney King was famous for his saying, “Can’t we all just get along?”  Well, I hate to break it to you, but no, we cannot all just get along.  Too much is at stake, even if America has begun to fade into the scrap heap of history.  There are still a lot of people who want to restore America to its best years, and they are more than willing to fight to achieve that end.

I am glad that I won’t be around to see or participate in the civil war that is coming. This will be a true civil war, not a North/South conflict like we fought 150-years ago that was not really a “civil” war at all.  It had clearly defined boundaries.  This one will be a street-to-street, house-to-house combat that well might destroy whatever is left of our once-great nation.  I hope you’re prepared for it, because I fear that it is coming and coming soon.

You may well ask,  “Do I love my country?”  My response is, "Yes, I do," and I am appalled by what I see happening in all my travels.  But I am especially appalled by what I see happening in Washington, D.C.  We are no longer a nation of laws because the laws on which this country was founded are scoffed at and overridden daily. 

I know that some of my friends and even some of my family will be offended by this column.  I understand that, but I pity you as well.  You are lied to, misled and yes, even brainwashed into ignoring those who present the facts that our media-mavens cover up.

Example – Andrea Mitchell’s out-of-context, edited clip of Mitt Romney prior to the 2012 election that made it seem like he was “amazed” at the technology that enables him to order food at an ATM-type screen, and then her refusal to admit the truth in the unedited video that showed Romney was “amazed” not by the technology, but that government cannot adopt private sector innovations like the touch screen and instead relies on old and failed devices and policies that are inefficient and expensive.  Ms. Mitchell didn’t even apologize for her too-clever ruse to belittle Romney and never played the entire clip for her audience.

More up-to-date, the New York Times published an article this week under the byline of one Monica Almeida about the protest at Murrieta, California.  Her lead paragraph reads:

When the three busloads of immigrant mothers and children rolled into town for processing at a Border Patrol station this week, they were met by protesters carrying American flags and signs proclaiming “return to sender” as they screamed “go home” and chanted “U.S.A.” Fearing for the safety of the migrants and federal officers, immigration officials decided to reroute the buses to San Diego, an hour south.

This is patently false, as those were not "immigrant mothers and children."  The women  were escorts for and with unaccompanied minors, hired earlier this year by the Federal Government, and were not even related to the children they were with.  And those "mothers" were not any immigrants, either. They are all most likely United States citizens.  Leave it to the NYT to let a Hispanic writer lie for them.

I regret that I am throwing water on your fireworks and barbeque grill, but I hope I can inspire you to spend some time post-Independence Day thinking about, and maybe even reading about what has made America great and exceptional.  Maybe we can become that nation once again if enough of us care.

 

Oh, and one more thing.  I hope they never move Independence Day to a Monday holiday.  It is a special day like Cinco de Mayo is to the Mexicans or Canada Day (formerly Dominion Day) is to the Canadians, that cannot and should not ever be used as an excuse for a three-day weekend.