A Gathering of Eagles

If you ever go into a stand-alone McDonalds Restaurant – any McDonalds in any town or location will do – between the hours of 6 AM and 9 AM, I can guarantee that you will find a group of old men sitting at a table chatting and having their breakfast. 

Why can I make this claim?  First, because I’ve been one of those guys from time to time. And second, I have some experience with visiting the fast food giant at various times and locations throughout America in the early morning hours. Without fail, there are always that familiar set of elders, usually all males, laughing and sharing the coffee and eats.

I look at McDonalds as the retiree’s water cooler, and I have lots of good memories of my times sitting at the one on Trans-Mountain Boulevard in Northeast El Paso with five or six of my “buddies.” 

When you look back at past times, I guess the campfire was the original meeting place for the elders, but the pot-bellied stove, the barbershop, and other warm and friendly places where men gathered for a confabulation later replaced it.  Eventually, it had to be a McDonald’s Restaurant or some other equally welcoming fast food joint. I think Mickey-Ds got the nod due to its ubiquitousness.

Harking back to that place in El Paso, I want to relate a tale about my meetings there.  I had been partaking of my early breakfast with the boys for several months before I learned an interesting fact; one of them had a famous brother.

The man I knew simply as H. D. (he said it stood for “Heavy Duty” and I never did learn what names went with the initials) started talking about his brother, Ronnie, one morning.  Everyone else at the table knew exactly who he was referring to, but I was the newcomer and, consequently, in the dark.  Eventually, the conversation got around to Ronnie’s movie roles.  My curiosity piqued, I asked about what movies his brother was in.  H. D. responded that the biggest one was Deliverance.

The light went off in my head and I looked at old H. D. again and immediately saw the resemblance to Ronnie Cox.  Well, I was flabbergasted, but I still wasn’t completely convinced that he was related.  Everyone at the table assured me that he was, and to prove it for certain, I got a picture the next morning signed by Ronnie to his brother.

H. D. Cox might have been the most connected with celebrity, but he wasn't the most interesting of the group.  That honor went to another, whose name I've misplaced.  he was the oldest of us, well into his 70s even back then.  His claim to fame was his expertise in repairing anything mechanical or electrical.  If you had an old appliance or tool - almost anything - that had given up the ghost, he could strip it down and make it work again. I think he sold his "fixer-uppers" and lived off the profits.  He was an interesting old guy.

Since I had been one of the old geezers at those morning meets out west, I always try to greet the old-timers at any McDonalds when I walk in the door.  I’ve never joined another group quite like them, and I treasure my memory of those fellows in El Paso.  I do stop in every once in a while at our McDonalds in Grovetown and visit for a few minutes. It’s always a good way to start the day.

Pretty in Pink

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and just in case you haven't noticed, there is a lot of hoopla, and ribbons, and garments, and apparel to remind us.

I've watched the silliness of pink golf clubs and golf balls on PGA pros, pink shoes and towels on NFL players, pink penalty flags in the pockets of the NFL referees—well, that one only lasted a week, since it caused so much confusion on the field—complete pink outfits on PGA golfer Ricky Fowler and even pink products, like 5-Hour Energy.

I won't apologize for making light of this farce.  After all, breast cancer, while a serious problem, is not as pervasive as prostate cancer in men, and which month is it that we herald Prostate Cancer Awareness?  And come to think of it, HOW do we show our support for PCA?  Baby blue golf clubs, NFL apparel, penalty flags, and  on and on?

Why can't we men have our own cause célèbre?  Is it really more important for the ladies to "save the ta-tas" than it is for men to ... (well, let's not get too graphic here)  The fact is, though, that prostate cancer kills about the same number of men as breast cancer kills women, yet breast cancer research and awareness gets four times as much funding as prostate cancer.

Hey, I've got an idea... lets make the prostate cancer awareness symbol a pair of blue walnuts.  After all, they always describe the prostate gland as being, "...about the size of a walnut."  What could be more American male than a pair of blue nuts?

While we're on the subject, why is it that, if breast cancer awareness is so important, the scheduling of mammograms has now been scaled back?  In case you're too busy (or lazy) to click on the link, here is a summary of the changes recommended by the USPSTF, a.k.a. United States Preventive Services Task Force:

• Routine screening of average-risk women should begin at age 50, not age 40.
• Routine screening should end at age 74.
• Women should get screening mammograms every two years instead of annually.
• Breast self-exams have little value, based on findings from several large studies.

That last one is really a bummer, because when it comes to palpating the breast, we guys are always more than happy to volunteer and assist.
 

I cannot leave the subject without one more piece of sarcastic humor.  Here is my favorite cartoon on the mammogram/manogram dilemma...

Okay, all kidding aside, do whatever it takes to get screened periodically for any form of cancer, but especially for these two killers.  Early detection is critical to cure rates.

Variation on a Nursery Rhyme

I want to give credit where credit is due.  The idea you will read about is not wholly mine, but was subtly suggested by my house guests from earlier this year.  whether intentional or not, they put this thought in my head, and I believe it is a good one.

After our guests had left for home, I discovered that there were pennies on the floor in both bedrooms.  Was that merely an accident?  Did the penny drop out of a pocket when pants were being hung up for the night?  Or was it a purposeful gesture?

I guess we all know the old nursery rhyme that goes:

See a penny, pick it up

And all day you'll have good luck.

See a penny, let it lay,

Bad luck you'll have all the day.

There are variations on the poem, and some even say that the original rhyme referred to a 'pin' instead of a penny.  Also, some people say the superstition involved goes a step further and includes an admonition that:

If the penny faces north,

Then your luck will have some worth.

But if its face is heading south,

Then your luck will be in drouth.

In other words, if the penny is heads up, your luck will be good, but if it's tails up, you're in for some bad luck instead. (Look up the definition of 'drouth' in case you think that was a misprint)  In reference to the second verse, you've probably heard the old proverb, "It turns up like a bad penny."  That is also a reference to the bad luck associated with a penny found with the head facing up.

I mention the variations only to acquaint you with them, but the first printed rhyme above is the one I subscribe to, if there is any esoteric significance in picking up a penny.  I always do pick them up, and on more than one occasion I've found the proverb to be true. I don't look first to see which side is up, either.

The discovery of the pennies in each of the bedrooms gave me an inspiration.  As you all know, my wife and I are road trippers.  We travel at least four times a year, and most of that travel involves overnight stays at hotels.  Our hotel stays number about 30 per year, and we always leave a gratuity for the maids who will clean and straighten our room.

My thought is that, if the room was in satisfactory condition when we checked in, or if it was even more than we expected—yes, that happens from time to time—in addition to the tip we leave on the desk, I will purposely drop a penny on the floor somewhere in the room. I think you get the idea, don't you?  Why not give the maid a share of the 'good luck' that comes from the find?

Now, just in case the maid believes in that other part of the blessing/curse, I will always leave the penny heads up so that there is no doubt which way I want things to go.

I believe I've discovered a new way to enhance my gratuities, don't you?

Useless E-mail Traffic

I receive at least one message per day that I consider to be an “urban legend.”  That is, they are so fantastic that you just have to question the validity of the text. 

Whenever I do get one of the urban legends, I check it out on either the Snopes website, www.snopes.com, or the second, Truth or Fiction, at www.truthorfiction.com.  Both of these are excellent resources. If the urban legend is political in nature, I also go to www.factcheck.org for verification.

I find that a huge percentage of the alerts, warnings and such are false, and many of them are also so misleading that they would cause more harm than good. 

A recent offering that I got concerned a nurse’s recounting her experiencing a heart attack.  It turned out that that one was true, although somewhere along the line someone had added a falsehood to the story.  If you care to read the message, with corrections, go to the Internet and type in: http://www.snopes.com/medical/disease/heartattack.asp.

I rarely forward any of the e-mails that request me to “...forward to at least (insert a #) people...” whether or not there is a threat of bad luck or promise of some reward or good luck.  Let’s face it, they clutter the “In Box” and usually are more harmful than helpful.

As a matter of fact, I also get messages from Kim Komando every day. (If you don’t know who she is, you must not listen to your radio on Saturday mornings)  Although Kim is very helpful to computer geeks, her messages and the accompanying ads can be overwhelming.  I’m considering the action to unsubscribe to her newsletters.

There are still three political organizations that send me e-mails, and they are always accompanied by ads, too.  You know, it is disgusting that my first and my last act of the day is to sit at my PC and read all of my e-mail messages.  I spend no less than three hours of every day sitting at the desk reading messages and deciding what to do, save, forward, delete, or try to unsubscribe—a process that often is useless and doesn't work.

Folks, I’ve become a slave to my computer.  It doesn’t pay me to do this, but it seems to force me to return periodically to clean out all the trash.

With the latest round of legislation and court rulings coming out of Washington, it could be possible to label any slight of our leaders as a crime.  We still don’t know anything for certain about the couple occupying the White House, but even speculation could be treated as an indictable offense.

Am I paranoid?  Maybe I am, but the other side was just as paranoid during the eight years under President George W Bush.  If they can have their black helicopters, so can we.

Here is what I propose we do.  Since most of you are on the same page as I am, let’s make a resolution to stop forwarding political or religious email messages to those people whom we know are on our side. 

I already try to avoid sending messages to those of you who I absolutely know are card-carrying Democrats or professed liberals, (er, uh, progressives) and will be offended.  You are most likely doing that too for your conservative (er, uh, whacko) friends. 

So we are already excluding those whom we feel do not want to learn the truth as we see it.  The only people we continually send our “message’ to are those who already agree with it.  The question is “Why?”  We aren’t converting anyone, and we see the exact same message 10-20 times.

Stopping the political and religious message traffic would have the added benefit of cutting down on all message traffic, because a huge amount of it falls into that category.  Now, even if you can’t control yourself enough to cease and desist, at least consider this before you send it on: 

1.     Have you seen it, or something similar previously?

2.     Does the message seem current and relevant?

3.     Can you verify the factual content?

4.     Is it really worth sending?

5.     Will the message make a difference to the recipient?

If it doesn't pass all five of those tests, don't forward it. It's just that simple. Maybe I can spend more time reading a good book, or writing more of my scintillating columns.  You'll welcome the extra time, as well.

Star Gazers Hill

I have a new word for you:

Pareidolia pærɨˈdoʊliə/ parr-i-DOH-lee-ə - a psychological phenomenon involving a vague and random stimulus (often an image or sound) being perceived as significant. Common examples include seeing images of animals or faces in clouds or geological formations and hearing hidden messages on recordings when played in reverse.

Well now, how does that apply to this week's column?  It applies to yours truly and to an experience I had on one of our journeys to the Southwest.  (Some of you have probably already seen what I'm about to show you, so you're excused if you care to skip this week.)

While at Valley of Fire State Park, a wonderful, if remote, park northeast of Las Vegas, I discovered a rock formation, which I (unofficially) named, Star Gazer Hill. I tried to get the park rangers to recognize the name officially, but they declined.  I guess they have enough named formations in the park and didn’t need another one.  Anyway, in case you missed it in an earlier email I sent out, here is a picture of Star Gazer Hill, which has at least ten rock faces gazing skyward, maybe even more. Of course, you have to practice some of that pareidolia magic to see the faces, but I'll give you some help with that shortly. 

The rock formations in the park all beg some imagination to bring out their features, and this one is no exception.  Besides the obvious ones, balanced rock, beehives, and white domes, there are also numerous ancient and modern petroglyphs to explore. 

Okay, have you tried to find the faces in the rock?  If you didn't see them all, here is a closer copy of the photo with the faces circled.  If you still don't see them, you must lack the pareidolia gene. (My joke, there ain't no such gene)  The numbers enclosed in the circles on the left indicate the number of faces in the circle.  The circle with five in it includes my favorite, which I call 'Hitchcock.'

Some people I've shown this to have found even more than I did, so the field is still open.  (Hint: you can enlarge the picture by using your scroll wheel on the mouse or by depressing ctrl and + keys together. If you have a touch screen, you know how to zoom)

If you're ever in Las Vegas with some free time on your hands for sight seeing, there are motor tours to Valley of Fire State Park, though I can't point you to who operates them.  I don't go to Vegas myself as I don't care to gamble, but I'll wager your hotel desk clerk or concierge can set you up with the operator.

Coincidence in 2010

For those of you who are new to my columns, this will be your first time to read this one. Those who have been along for the ride longer will recall that I published it over three years ago, but it is worth retelling the tale...

Co-in-ci-dence (kō in΄sә dans)  n. 1 a coinciding  2 an accidental, but seemingly planned, occurrence of events, ideas, etc. at the same time

I know you’ve heard the expression, “There, but for the grace of God, go I.”  Well, I have a story to relate about just how appropriate that expression was to me last week. 

Call it a miracle, or a coincidence, or lack of coincidence–the meaning of that word will become clearer shortly–but I escaped what could have been a life-ending event on March 12, 2010. 

I had just that day heard about the falling rock that killed a woman in a 2004 Buick near Steamboat Springs, Colorado two days earlier.  It was one of those freak accidents that has probably a one-in-a-million chance of happening, but in this case it did. A small boulder fell from the face of a cliff and went through the roof of the car traveling over the road below, killing the woman passenger.

In case you don't want to read the article I linked to above, I'll tell you something else about it.  It was a coincidence that the car was even on that road.  It was traveling a temporary detour from the main route of travel, caused by a rockslide on I-70 in Glenwood Canyon.  But, I digress...

At about noon on Friday, I was traveling eastbound on I-20 near Aiken, SC.  I had my cruise control on and was barreling along at 70 mph.  There is a stand of pine trees in the median between the eastbound and westbound lanes, so you don’t even see the traffic going the other way. 

About 200 yards ahead of me a wheel, most likely from a truck on the westbound side, came out of those pines up ahead.  No, it wasn’t a tire; it was the whole wheel with a tire mounted on it.  Needless to say, it looked HUGE.

The wheel rolled down the embankment onto the pavement, and when it reached the concrete it started bouncing.  It bounced straight up about 10 feet and back down in the lane right ahead of where I was driving. 

When a tire, or any disk-like object starts bouncing, it is possible for it to come down sideways at an angle.  From that first bounce, it is unpredictable what the tire will do and which direction it will roll.  This one landed straight up and then continued its roll and disappeared into the forest on the right-hand side of the road.

The whole thing took place in the space of about 10 seconds.  I figured out later that I had missed being in the path of that bouncing wheel.  I didn’t even have time to react. I just watched incredulously as it crossed in front of me.

There is no doubt whatsoever in my mind that I would have suffered the same fate as that poor woman in Colorado, and you would have been reading or hearing about me in the news media.

Yes, the word coincidence really did play a part in my story.  Had my car and that wheel arrived at the same spot at the same time, I would have been history, but the incidence was a few seconds apart and I’m here to tell the story.

Do I believe in miracles?  Well, not really, but that was the closest thing to a miracle I’ve seen in my lifetime. It took about five minutes for the shock to set in, and then my mind started replaying the whole sequence of events.

Whew!!!  Somebody or something was sure looking out for me that day.

How Mercury Retrograde Affected Our Politics

            I visited an old friend in Kansas City recently, and while we were chatting about a lot of different topics, we got around to politics and how dirty they have become.  Bill, who is a dyed-in-the-wool, card carrying Democrat, said he thought that our politics all changed when the Supreme Court "gave" George W Bush the election in 2000.

            Well, I respect Bill, and he has at least ten years on me, so I cannot pull seniority on him.  I shut my mouth and swallowed my response, but it was a game changer for the rest of our conversation.      

            We were under a full moon at the time.  It got me thinking about all the troubles we have when the moon is full.  Oh, you don’t believe all that astrology stuff?  Well, I can positively state that there is a very good reason for all the superstition surrounding the full moon.  In my many years in the airline industry, there were always strange happenings when the moon was full. 

            My airline, American, even had a reference page in the computer titled simply “Moons” where all the dates of full moons were listed.  It was common knowledge among ground service people, pilots and flight attendants that when the moon was full there were bound to be some odd things happening.  Customers were more apt to complain, delays were more prominent, baggage was more likely to get misrouted or lost and communications were less reliable, mainly in the form of computer outages. 

            When I worked at the ticket counter—we actually had a staff of people at the counter in those days instead of those machines you encounter nowadays—we always knew that a full moon was imminent, even if it wasn’t visible due to cloud cover.  The behavior of some of our passengers was weird during those times, especially those who were “white knuckle flyers.”  Customers were more demanding and argumentative.  Voices were raised in situations where people normally would be rational and patient.  And there were always problems with reservations being dropped or cancelled for no apparent reason. 

            In that same AA informational page labeled “Moons” there is also reference to another event that seems to screw up communication and travel.  The reference is to times when the planet Mercury is Retrograde.  Three times a year Mercury appears to be moving backwards for periods of about two weeks.  When the planet appears to go forward again, it is said to be Mercury Direct.  It has to do with the fact that the Mercurial year—its trip around the Sun—is 88 days long, while ours is 365 days.  All of the planets exhibit the retrograde effect, but only Mercury does it that often.  Think of two trains on parallel tracks going in the same direction at different speeds.  As the faster train passes the slower one, the slower train appears to be going backwards with respect to the faster one.  Well, that is what the planetary retrograde effect is.  When Mercury is Retrograde it has an effect on activity here on the Earth similar to that of a full moon, or even worse. 

            I didn’t give you this astronomy/astrology lesson for nothing.  While I was doing my research for the column I came across a Web site that gave me a whole new outlook on what went wrong in the Presidential Election of 2000.  We all know there are dozens of theories out there, but this one could be the grand prizewinner.  The real problem with the 2000 election was that we had Mercury retrograde and it was exactly at the end of its cycle (the worst time) on November 7, 2000.  In other words, the election outcome was in the stars—or in this case, the planets.

  

Here is the page I found on the phenomenon.  Note that it hasn’t been updated since it was written on November 9, 2000, but it was pretty accurate in its prediction even then.  You have to agree that it seems to be pretty logical, at least as much so as some of those conspiracy theories we heard—and continue to hear thirteen years later— on both sides.  And if you cannot find some humor in what you are about to read then you are hopelessly lost and really need to “get a life.”  However, it isn’t my fault if it makes you angry; blame it on a full moon Mercury Retrograde . 

 

ELECTION DAY 2000--YES, MERCURY WAS RETROGRADE!

by Rose Murray

(Nov. 9, 2000)A member of the media phoned me today to ask if I thought that the phenomena of Mercury Retrograde on Election Day 2000 contributed to the ballot confusion, the premature media announcements and retractions, and all the recounts that ensued. He was working on a news story that examined that question.

Well, it all couldn't sound more like Mercury Retrograde. Here's why.

                        The planet Mercury moves in apparent retrograde (or backward) motion for a period of several weeks about three times each year. During these periods, Mercury, known as the "messenger of the gods" in classical mythology, often delivers mixed-up messages.

Because Mercury is temporarily moving backward in its orbit (seen from the Earth's perspective), its retrograde influence often spells confusion and the necessity for repeating things a second time. Glitches seem to develop in all types of communication and transportation. Many people don't start a project under Mercury Retrograde, not if they want it to run smoothly.

Well, Mercury turned retrograde on October 18, 2000, at 15 degrees of Scorpio. It slowed way down (making its influence even stronger) to turn direct at 29 degrees of Libra on Nov. 7, 2000--Election Day-- U.S.A.

The actual shift occurred at 9:20 p.m. EST, 6:20 p.m. PST. The events of that day and those that ensued were typical of retrograde Mercury at its worst. People made mistakes. Both the media and the candidates announced and retracted, announced and retracted. Ballots were said to be confusing. The vote from the state of Florida had to be recounted. Citizens from Palm Beach County encountered confusing ballots, many of which were punched twice and had to be rejected.

Anyone with planets at the sensitive points in the zodiac where Mercury made its station retrograde--15 degrees of Scorpio--and the degree where it made its station direct--29 degrees of Libra--would have been particularly affected. But countries, states and cities also have horoscopes, as I pointed out in my book, Moving to Success: The Astrology of Location, (Llewellyn, 1999). Their charts are usually based on their incorporation or founding dates.

Well, guess what! When I looked up the horoscope of West Palm Beach, Florida, I discovered why all eyes were on that city that day. No wonder they were demanding a recount because of a confusing ballot and numerous other problems. Mercury made its backward trip right over almost half of their planets. It went retrograde on the planet Uranus in their chart at 15 Scorpio, promising many reversals and surprises ahead. It continued back over the community's Sun and Venus, and ended up directly on West Palm Beach's Saturn. Saturn in its chart, symbolic of restrictions and hardships, is at 29 Libra-- the very degree of the very sign where Mercury sat on Election Day--2000.

How long will all this last before we know whom our new President will be? Well, the Mercury retrograde period is not really over until Mercury goes forward to 15 degrees Scorpio, where it went retrograde. That will be around November 23/24, 2000, on the Thanksgiving Holidays. Hopefully, the confusion, recounts, and inclusion of absentee ballots may begin to be finalized by then, and we'll all have something to be thankful for. 

            I'll let you draw your own conclusions, but I cannot close out the column without also letting you read the poem I wrote shortly after the recounts—three in all—were finally stopped by order of the SCOTUS.  You might not recognize all the players after all these years, but I did try to include every one of them. You may also notice that the poem is written in the meter of a famous poem that is recited at that same time of year, "The Visit From St Nicholas."  That was intentional.

           

                  Ode to Election 2000

©2000 By Harold Kline

T’was the night of election and all through the nation

The voters were gathered with an air of elation.

We had all cast our ballots for the ones we held dear

In hopes that the end of campaign ads was near…

When Decision 2000 was over and done.

We thought that we knew who had lost and who won.

The popular vote belonged to Al Gore

But maybe Bush won, we don’t know anymore.

The early returns down in Florida made

Mr. Gore pure grade O.J., and Bush Gatorade.

But Dan Rather called early and had to use tact.

He did a 180 and called a retract.

Then Gore's team saw victory within their reach

If only they spread some dissent in Palm Beach.

So they called up their voters to sow seeds of doubt.

Soon old fogies called Wexler to scream and to shout.

The Seniors for Gore thought that all of their plannin'

Might have been sabotaged, they had picked Pat Buchanan.

Or their chads might have dimpled or hung by a thread.

They cried, "We don't want Pat, we'd rather be dead!"

It was close, so the votes were then counted once more,

But still there were not quite enough to please Gore.

Jesse Jackson, Christopher and Bill Daley joined forces

As the Democrats sent in their major league horses.

Up Baker and Racicot to scare them away,

On Daschle and Gephardt to help save the day.

When, what to our wondering eyes should appear

But Bob Dole. (dysfunctional loser, we hear)

Then the lawyers got started, an offense to mount,

And the hue and cry was to start a hand count.

Soon the courts got involved and the cases grew rife

While the nation was watching the candidates strife.

The counts were made legal with Kate Harris's approval,

Though some people were calling for her swift removal.

The State Supreme Court tried to keep the race open,

Which, of course, kept the folks down in Palm Beach a'hopin'.

The nine Supreme Judges then joined in the fray,

Overruled everyone, took their ballots away.

Said to keep counting votes would be likened to sin,

That Bush won three times, Gore should throw the towel in.

The Dems are dejected ‘cause Bush was “selected”.

Repubs back the College, claim that’s who they follege.

(Ha!  I slipped some Ogden Nash in there.)

Now half say that Gore won, and half say, "No, Bush!"

But no matter who's right there will be a big push

To get Sunshine State punch ballots off the table

Or make it a colony, if we are able.