Best Senior Joke Ever

I'm not really out of ideas, but I saw one of the most ironic and funny jokes about old people this week, and I just have to share it.  It's been around on the Internet for at least ten years, but I hope you'll like it as much as I did.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

Since food was mentioned, have you noticed that, despite the fact that we are becoming the world's most obese people, the fast food chains are advertising even bigger meals with more and more calories?   Heck, you don't even have to ask to be "super-sized" anymore . . . everything you buy comes in twos or in a double something.

It reminds me of a guy I worked with once who was about five sizes too large to begin with, but he came to work one day and said that he bought that 5-for-$5 deal at Arby's and complained that he had trouble eating all those roast beef sandwiches for lunch.  Well, Duh!

I went into McDonald's for my senior coffee this morning, and on the breakfast menu they advertised a "Big Breakfast" that consisted of scrambled eggs, three pancakes, sausage, hash browns and a large biscuit.  Total calories for that monster - 1,090.  You need to walk for over five hours to work off all those calories. It also has 2150 grams of sodium, a real heart stopper. But what person that eats one of those meals exercises afterwards.  And we wonder why there are so many people who need those motorized wheelchairs to go shopping at Wal*Mart.

Okay, as long as I'm in a cantankerous frame of mind, I may as well get something else off my chest.  I am really saddened by the deterioration of the English language used by our media people on radio and television.  Few can even pronounce the letter 'w' when they give their station call letters - it comes out sounding like 'dub-wool-you'.  Then there are words that are almost always mispronounced.  Examples: asterick for asterisk; effisode for episode; comfterble for comfortable (there are FOUR syllables in that word); nucular for nuclear; ekscape for escape.  There are many more, but those five are ones that really stick out.

As Porky Pig used to say at the end of the cartoon, "Th-the-ah, th-the-ah, th-that's all, folks!" My rant is done, and I hope I entertained you with the little joke to make up for it.

Oh, and don't forget to set your clocks back before you go to bed tonight.  Yes, we're going to gain an hour of sleep.  You know the saying - Spring forward-Fall back.